Butterflies

I am really struggling right now. I mean I struggled all of my life and in a way this is nothing compared to all I have had to endure in the past. The fact that this is nothing makes me wonder if it will ever stop. I am constantly struggling and if it's not in one way it's in another way. Life might never be as calm as it once was. It is so tempting to just give up but if I give up then it it means that I give up on myself. Everything I have had to persevere has brought me up to this point. To give up now would be to give up on everything else I worked for.
I have been working for this since I was 12 when my dad went to Afghanistan and I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. I worked for this in junior high when I had to pretend that I didn't have any problems at home. I worked for this on the days I would go to school in California and I knew that I didn't want to have friends because I would only live there for 3 months. I worked for this in Lufkin, where for two years I would go to school and barely talk to anyone. I worked for this my senior year when I had to start over at the end. I even worked for this when everything else was falling apart in my life. I worked for this all of my life and I can't just give up. It's not an option and it never was... I love myself too much to give up. I love what I do too much to give up. Yet, it is still so hard because I miss my family too much. I don't have time for anything anymore and even when I do see my family all I can do is sleep. When I see David, I don't even have the energy to play with him. Then to not be able to enjoy David's growing up hurts me. I don't want my family to think that I am putting them off to the side, especially David who doesn't understand anything yet. My family is the most important part of my life and it is what holds me together even when everything else goes wrong.My family is my heart.
But, I will keep going. I will keep hitting rock bottom and come back up until that one day when I do I stop hitting rock bottom. My education may be tough but I am tougher. I am stronger than this. My life has prepared me for this. To fully love something and to not give up is what I live for. This is where I am meant to be... Following my dreams will be nothing but hard work. I have been doing all-nighters up to 3-4 times a week and I have spent almost all of my time in studio just in the hopes of getting better. The time goes by and I wouldn't even know it. I laugh and it concerns everyone around me because it could be the next time i laugh cry. I am literally crazy... But maybe being crazy is what is going to help me get past this.
This whole process will only help me grow. I am closer to becoming the butterfly I always told others I would be. I am so in love with architecture and the more I learn about, the more I love it. I am doing this because, i am truly passionate about this. Nothing else in my life makes me feel happier than doing art and this is what I live for. So while I may be going crazy, it is for good reason.