Forgiveness

The church has taught me that I am suppose to forgive others as easily as God has forgiven me for sinning. He loved me so much that he sent his only son to save me even though I have sinned so much. I hurt him and he still loves me. I am not worthy of his love and yet he still loves me. 

I have kept this knowledge with me for as long as I could remember and I try to forgive other who have hurt because God was able to forgive me. I still love. 

I have forgiven the people who have done nothing but hurt me and I am still there. However, another question that comes into mind is whether or not I should keep them in my life. Would I truly be forgiving them if I can't talk to them anymore? How am I suppose to keep a healthy balance with those who are intoxicating me and me? I still don't know.

This past holiday, I exercised forgiveness because, there is no limit on my love. I listened to her tell me the story of her past and I saw how it correlated with how she hurt me. Yet, as she was telling me the story I saw the hate in her eyes as she smiled about how she got revenge.i haven't seen hate like that before. Yet she expects me to start new on our relationship... She finally got it her way. That's why she wants to start over with me. I forgive her but, why does she want to spread the hate to me? Why should I be angry at the people who hurt her? She basically did the same thing they did but, I forgave her and she didn't forgive them. She wants me to hold on to the grudges from 40 years ago for her when it was that same hate that tore us apart. 

I will forever be stuck in this dilemma in what I should do. If I followed her logic I wouldn't even be talking to her. She hurt me so much yet, I am there. 

Good people make bad mistakes but, that doesn't mean they are bad. She's not bad but she is so full of hate...